My Son Rusty
Rusty was a wonderful child who grew into a wonderful teenager and an even more wonderful adult. He was the middle child of 6, and as he matured, Rusty became my best friend.
Rusty and I did everything together. Having an amazing sense of humor and a memory unrivaled, Rusty was the glue of the family and our best time keeper. He remembered every detail of every family event ..often entertaining us for hours with his vivid recollections of all the many many happy (and sometimes sad) times we all shared together.
When Rusty was diagnosed with BRAIN CANCER, our world came to an abrupt halt. I was so saddened that it was hard to breathe, I couldn’t function. I started smoking (a habit I had left in the distant past) I had nightmares, I’d awaken 8 times or more at night and many nights I couldn’t even fall asleep at all. I was totally consumed with finding a way..some way to save him. We went everywhere… to all the best specialists… had all the best treatments.. prayed to God.. prayed to the arc angles… used copper rings to cut negative ties… meditated, sang… danced…. drank Noni juice and something called G-3… but still his life energy continued to drain..I could see it. No amount of prayer, acceptance or denial would stop it.
Rusty handled brain cancer like he did everything else… in the most positive, loving way possible. He never complained and never asked WHY ME? He suffered an incredible amount of pain, lost every function including speech and even vision… and never for a moment lost hope. While Rusty remained positive and loving throughout, he often stressed the fact that he was in no way ready to die. On a human level he fought it tooth and nail ..I believe that on a spiritual level, departure was his plan. (I believe that we all decide this on a spiritual level without the conscious self ever being aware) Rusty believed he would be that one in a million to survive this cancer (Glioblastoma Multiforme), but it was not to be. My dear son Rusty passed away on October 29, 2007.
About Death
To say that I too died would be an understatement. regardless of how well I was equipped psychically, I lost my heart… my essence… my being. No parent should ever, ever have to suffer this loss, but unfortunately, as I write these very words, there are parents losing their children. I am so sorry.
On the night of Rusty’s passing I was completely grief stricken. No amount of comforting could even begin to lift the deep sorrow… I was absolutely desperate to KNOW that my son was OK. That he had crossed over and that he was ok with it. I HAD to know that Rusty wasn’t extinguished… that he still existed… “Please PLEASE give me a sign”!!!!
As I methodically walked from the kitchen to the dining room, through swollen teary eyes, I saw the 10 pound artificial solid wood turkey ( that I had in the center of the dining room table) levitate about 10 inches straight UP and slam down to the table HARD! I mean so hard that it echoed in my ears. My Goodness…is that YOU Rusty???? I began to him, out loud… I told him the same things I had told him while he was actively dying…that there was no turning back. His body was dead and he HAD to go on… that I would be OK… that he should go on and hold the door for me.. like he did every time we went to the store or a restaurant… that on the other side time is meaningless… that it would seem like a moment and I would be there with him..even if it took many years. In this moment… I felt a calm… a silence… and two very, very distinct, heavy arms around my shoulders.
About Life After Death
Over the past year I have physically seen Rusty twice. To give you a description of what I saw, it was a full body solid Rusty… both times he was ahead of me as I walked to my room, with his hand on the door knob as if he was about to open the door for me… and then he vanished..it was very brief both times, but very real. Like now you see it… now you don’t. Blink and the image is gone…stare and it is gone just the same.
I have heard him numerous times… sometimes it’s just “Mom”…. other times he’s humming a tune in the shower… or coughing in the bathroom. I have heard him tell his dogs to ” shhhh! Be quiet.” Recently I actually heard him yell SHUT UP!! to the dogs in a very loud, strong voice. The dogs sat at attention as if watching someone and remained very silent. I have also recorded Rusty on my computer His voice sounding very electronic…but the inflection make it clearly him. His words are brief. Tonight I turned on my recorder and immediately he said Mom, I am here. ( thank you Rusty)
I think it must be very difficult to articulate a voice.. because Rusty is not a man of few words, so if he could say more, he would. I feel like it is a very difficult struggle to harness the energy to make a voice. I have been told that it is akin to holding your breath for a long period of time..to make one little sound.
Rusty also likes to blow light bulbs. We have changed the Long Life bulb in his room at least 20 times in this past year… maybe even more than that. He always does it when I am in his room…psychokenisis? maybe.
I have had many, many experiences, including an unwound music box in his room playing his favorite childhood song on it’s own…and all the ornaments on his Christmas tree being moved to the very top of the tree.
Where did Rusty go?
I believe that Rusty really didn’t go anywhere. I believe that the dead exist in a dimension parallel to ours, that they are here among us, veiled from us only by a difference in frequency; that they see us and can interact with us, but that it is sufficiently difficult for them to do so. I believe that they are in a dimension of peace and learning.
I believe they if they want to, they can and do attempt to interact with us. I believe there is no sadness there… that while they continue to love us, they see the big picture and know how temporary human life is and that we will very soon reunite with them on the other side..only to come back and do it all again ..together. I believe we stay in our circle of family, friends and acquaintances often alternating roles and gender, within the same core group of energy. I believe we are all connected and are all of the same energy, that we are all here to learn ONE thing… How to LOVE.
Love in the true sense of the word… caring and helping each other…caring for the planet… loving nature. I believe that those on the other side have a complete understanding of why WE are here…and they accept the fact that they are no longer free to interact in the way they did when they had living bodies.. and that they are ok with that. I believe that when they have something to convey to us, be it to comfort us or to guide us, they will do it!
The signs are not always obvious… sometimes it’s a slightly moved object… a fallen book…. a song that comes on the radio at the precise moment you tune in…. their favorite cologne wafting in on a gentle breeze.
To see… to feel… to hear your loved one, you must open your intuitive eyes. Perk your ears….and look for those subtle signs,they are there. Listen carefully and you will hear… look closely and you will see.
Knowing that Rusty exists makes me able to go on with my life. Of course I miss him terribly, but I know he is ok. Ok in terms of intact energy. He still has a consciousness and is able to convey that to me and his family. Knowing this makes his passing more acceptable. How horrible it would be if I didn’t KNOW this. I want YOU to KNOW this. Your child is not dead… because death does not exist!!!!!
Rusty and Me